How To Appear Confident (even if you're not!)

Social situations would be SO much easier if I was a confident person.

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’ve had that thought at one point or another.

We’ve all been in those social situations where we’ve felt uncomfortable, overwhelmed, anxious, or simply a fish out of water. And needless to say, it’s not a particularly welcoming feeling.

Becoming confident is a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight. I know we’ve all wished, you and I included, that there was some easy way to just click our fingers and bam! we’re a confident person. But you and I both know it doesn’t work like that.

But before you get all doom and gloom, remember that confidence is a SKILL, which means you CAN learn it - with practice over time.

Now, just because you don’t feel confident yet, doesn’t mean you want everyone else to know this. So, let me give you some research-backed tips for how you can APPEAR confident even if you’re not!

1) Maintain appropriate eye contact

Good eye contact exudes confidence. Think of it like this, if you’re talking to someone who is shifting their eyesight or looking down, they’re going to look nervous. Try to maintain eye contact about 50% of the time while talking and 70% when listening to the other person (Schulz, 2012). Aim to hold contact for about 4-5 seconds before looking away.

2) Body language

Body language can be the first thing that someone notices about you. It’s important that you stand tall with your head up if you want to appear confident. Imagine someone who sulks around a room like a shrivelled prawn, looking at the floor, shoulders hunched forward, back bent. Does this person look like the spitting image of confidence? No.

Another thing – don’t cross your arms too much. To other people, this acts as a subconscious signal that you’re closed off and makes you look unapproachable.

3) Verbal communication

When it comes to talking, try to speak slowly and clearly. This shows assertiveness and confidence in what you’re saying – that what you’re saying is worthwhile and valuable. Verbal diarrhoea is not a good look. This does NOT enhance your confidence image. Think before you speak and make sure you’re not rambling nonsense words.

4) Stop fidgeting

A lot of people fidget, whether consciously or subconsciously. Common examples include, tapping your foot, clicking a pen, repeatedly touching your face, playing with your hair etc. Sometimes you’re not aware of your fidgeting but it just seems to happen when you’re nervous. However, constantly fidgeting when you’re in a social situation does not inspire others to perceive you as confident.

5) Put your phone away

Yes, I know it’s so hard but the emotional connection you have with your phone is not a mutually benefiting relationship (even if you think it is!). If you’re walking down the street with your eyes glued to your phone, not looking at the world in front of you, YOU DON’T LOOK A CONFIDENT PERSON. You give off the energy that you're not very present in the moment, want to avoid eye contact, and want to avoid any kind of interaction with a human being. This is not characteristic of confident people. I know it’s hard and uncomfortable and awkward but we have to acknowledge the facts of what looks like confidence and what does not. This does not. Next time you’re in public, put your phone away, look up, look at the world in front of you.

There you have it. 5 tips to appear more confident, even if you’re not. Like I said, you have to practice being confident, it doesn’t just happen.

All the best,

Danielle

Reference:

Schulz, J. (2012). Eye Contact: Don't Make These Mistakes. Michigan State University Extension. Retrieved from https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes